religiously counting calories on myfitnesspal for awhile until i see a change in my body and am confident enough to weigh myself again.

i’ve completely fucked up my body. it no longer registers whether it’s full or hungry (i unintentionally went all day without eating, and when i binged tonight it didn’t feel full after eating chips, a whole sandwich, cheerios, & a piece of cake. UGH.)

i need to get my shit together. a;sdjgksdgf.

it’s so fucking frustrating not even being able to go downstairs & eat without my family there. they’re always fucking downstairs because our kitchen / living room is connected, so there’s ALWAYS someone there. i get too anxious if i’m around them for too long so i can never be alone when i go downstairs & it’s annoying as fuck. not to mention my mom always looks at me like i’m an obese whale every time i go to get food. UGHswdfashgwdg

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• it’s friday and i want to sleep and watch glee but i can’t because i have to go out and be ~*~*social but i really don’t want to ugh. i was supposed to go to the mall with just my best friend, but now other other friend is coming along and it’s not that i don’t like her just i want to be with my best friend alone idk i’m selfish
• i ate too much already today (soft pretzel, 1 - 2 servings of goldfish, square of mac & cheese, 2 bread rolls, & will most likely be eating dinner out somewhere tonight) and i feel gross now blech
• i have too many obligations to fill and things to do. ugh. ugh ugh ugh.
• you don’t even address me anymore. i just feel like the tone you use with me is so condescending. i know i’m stupid, but please at least make eye contact with me. 

didn’t eat too much today. i’ve been feeling so shitty lately, i was full / sick after only a few bites of dinner.

lunch:

• cough drops & water

after-school snack:

• hash brown with ketchup
• 1 - 2 cups of cheerios

dinner:

• two rolls
• a square of macaroni & cheese

today was just so horrible overall. i failed everything (including the SATs) and everyone was pissing me off and just ugh. friday needs to be better.

food intake so far is absolutely disgusting.

breakfast: men in black medium iced coffee xx (~200)

lunch: 3 slices of pizza (~600)

after school snack: kiddie ice cream (no idea)

cheerios (100)

i feel absolutely disgusting. dinner is seriously going to be like a spinach strawberry salad & some water so that i don’t vomit everywhere gaaah

literally in tears omg i’m not ready for it to end at all. :(

after the finale i’m watching the entire series again omg SO MANY TEARS I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THEM